who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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