You're so nebulous sometimes
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
