Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize