**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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