Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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