It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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