I seem to have left my pride at pride
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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