Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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