I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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