You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
