she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i want to swaddle you in tequila
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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