really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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