Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
