Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize