I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
