do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
