if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
