last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
