I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
