Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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