I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
