i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
