A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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