Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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