It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
