my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
