I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
