A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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