they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
