don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
