I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
high people should be assigned attendants
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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