Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
