I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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