My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize