Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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