I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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