the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
