dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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