I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize