From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
