The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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