After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
