he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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