he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
