I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
