I will die if light touches me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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