There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
