It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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