maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Boobs are out for the taking
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
