Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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