i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
