matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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