he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
