I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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