do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
