You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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