go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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