Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
