i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
