and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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