Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
