Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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