someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Are we still banned from the library?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
