I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
