woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
