I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
