last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
