going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
