i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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