watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
