a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
