I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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