dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
