True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm passing your future prison.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
