Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
