I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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