Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
