It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
