i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
