guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
