There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
