Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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