Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My dad is sitting where you rode me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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