So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
