I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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