I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize