I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
