i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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