Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
