I could have mohawked her pubes.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
