so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
