I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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