I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
