She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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