I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
